Sakuya, Be Honest: Are You Wearing Pads?
by DarkOppressor
Summary: There are many questions that surround the Scarlet Devil Mansion, but there's a question that is particularly mysterious; Does Sakuya wear pads?
1. Don't Lie to Me Sakuya

**Sakuya and the Perils of Wearing Pads**

"Sakuya, are you wearing pads?"

The maid stopped sweeping the hallway floor and turned around to give her mistress a puzzled look.

"Pardon me, Ojou-sama?"

"I asked if you were wearing pads."

The vampire repeated.

"I'm afraid that I am not, Ojou-sama."

Sakuya resumed sweeping.

"What would prompt you to ask such a question?"

Remilia shook her head.

"I was just curious."

She started walking away. When she rounded the corner and made sure Sakuya wasn't in sight, she started to dash towards the library.

* * *

><p>"She denied it?"<p>

Meiling asked, making a face. Remilia nodded, taking a sip of tea from her cup.

"Without any reaction besides confusion?"

Patchouli asked next, not lifting her eyes from the book she was reading. The three were huddle around a round table in the library, Remilia drinking tea, Patchouli reading, and Meiling listening intently with her cheek resting on the palm of her hand.

"Yep."

Remilia sighed.

"I thought you said you were sure that she was wearing pads, China."

Meiling fell backwards in her chair.

"T-that's not my name, Ojou-sama…"

"Aside from Miling's name problem, I can tell you without a doubt that the maid does indeed wear pads, Remi."

Patchouli lifted her eyes from her book when Meiling shot up and slammed her fists on the table, tears in her eyes.

"That's not my name either Patchy!"

She sniffled.

"ONEE-SAMAAAAAAAAA! ONEE-SAMA!"

Remilia looked from side to side.

"Was I the only one who heard Flan calling for me?"

"ONEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-SAMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

The ground shook gently. Patchouli shook her head.

"No, I heard it too."

Meiling ran out of the library.

"HANG ON FLAN! I'M COMING TO HELP!"

"Hey wait, don't-!"

Before Patchouli could finish her sentence, Meiling had already rammed the doors open, the mahogany wood shattering into pieces. The magician sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose.

"I'll get someone to repair that sometime."

Remilia muttered before standing up from her seat and walking out of the library as well. When she got into the hallway, she stopped in her tracks.

"Calm down Sakuya-san! What happened?!"

Meiling was crouched next to the maid, who was on the floor with her face buried in her hands, softly crying. Flandre walked up to Remilia and was visibly panicking, flailing her arms while looking as if she were clutching something in each hand.

"Onee-sama! I made Sakuya cry and I don't know why!"

Remilia furrowed her eyebrows.

"What did you do Flan?"

"All I did was ask if these were hers!"

Flandre stopped flailing and held her hands up to Remilia's face. At first she couldn't identify the two tan things her sister was holding, but after a minute she realized what they were.

"Sakuya, you liar! You DO wear pads!"


	2. Sakuya, Stop Going Through Puberty

** Sakuya, Stop Going Through Puberty  
><strong>

Sakuya wasn't seen outside of her room the following week after exposure of her wearing pads. Everyone had tried to tell her that it was okay (Albeit very funny) to wear pads. Everyone; Remilia, Flandre, Patchouli, Koakuma, and Meiling. (Whom had been the one trying the hardest.) But of course, since this story needs something interesting, she hadn't come out of her room.

"Sakuya, open the door."

Remilia said, knocking on the wooden door.

"No."

"Sakuya, open the door."

"No."

"Why are you acting like this? It's not like we'll tell anyone."

"I'm going through puberty!"

The vampire sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose.

"You're 16 and are probably older than you should be, I'm sure that you've gotten waaaaaay past that stage. Now open the door or I'll have Meiling ram into it like Patchy's doors."

The door opened, but honestly, Remilia liked looking at the door better than the mess before her. There were bags under the maid's eyes, and she stripped herself of her maid's uniform so that she was wearing an oversized tank top and jean shorts. (Wait, how did she get modern clothes in the first place?) Her hair was very very very very very very VERY messy, her braids undone and her ribbons long gone.

"Sakuya, I command you to make yourself decent."

"No."

"Sakuya."

"Ojou-sama."

They stared each other down.

"We're done here."

The maid said, backing into her room and slamming the door in Remilia's face.

* * *

><p>"So, she's going through puberty?"<p>

Patchouli asked, once again not lifting her eyes from her thick book.

"That's what she claims to be doing."

Remilia sipped her tea and set her cup down onto her coaster with a tink. (Tink tink) Meiling stood up and slammed her fists on the table.

"If Sakuya-san is going through puberty, then it's our job to support her every step of the way!"

"Kurenai's right."

Patchouli said.

"THAT'S NOT MY NAME PATCHY. HONG. MEILING. IS THAT SO HARD?!"

The gatekeeper shot a glare at the magician.

"Stop it. Both of you. Now, I highly doubt that Sakuya is going through puberty; She's been with us for 10 years and even then she was a bit more mature than she should be, even as a 6-year-old."

"That doesn't mean anything Remi. Hormones can drastically change a girl's body, you know. For all we know, she's fighting an internal war between emotions."

Meiling slammed her fists on the table again.

"And that's why we have to help her win that war!"

"Chuugoku, I was saying that metaphorically."

"THAT'S A COUNTRY PATCHY NOT A NAME!"

Remilia stood up and walked away, silencing the two.

"Whatever. If Sakuya really is fighting an internal war, then it's my job to win regardless of both sides."


	3. Stahpit China

** Meiling, You're Taking This Too Seriously**

"Ojou-sama! Oujou-sama! I've prepared the weapons for the war against Sakuya's emotions!"

The gatekeeper stopped Remilia in the middle of the hallway and pulled out a rocket launcher, 2 assault rifles, a sniper rifle, 4 pistols, 10 grenades, and a slice of pie from her skirt. Remilia didn't say anything, but only stared at the weapons.

"China, we're supposed to be in the time period where guns and grenades aren't even invented."

Meiling strained her face, forcing on a smile.

"That'snotmynamecoughcoughcough. Actually, I got these from Kourindou, and since that shopkeeper can get stuff from the other side of the barrier, it was fairly easy.

"I was making a statement, not a question Miling"

Remilia crossed her arms over her chest while Meiling fumed in silence.

"Besides, we're trying to deal with Sakuya's emotions, not blow her to pieces."

She glanced at the rocket launcher.

"But, Patchy said that it was a war. And what's better in a war than guns?"

Meiling started to put away her guns up into her skirt.

"Patchy said that metaphorically, I think we've discussed that already."

"Who cares about metaphor? People just want to read about stuff blowing up.'

Remilia started to make her way past Meiling.

"Just return those things to Kourindou, we're not going to be using them anyway."

When the vampire was out of sight, Meiling sighed rather heavily.

"But he said that these were non-refundable…"

* * *

><p>"Sakuya."<p>

Remilia found herself outside of Sakuya's room again, knocking on the wooden door.

"Go away."

Came the reply.

"Sakuya, are you PMSing?"

"No."

"That's what you said about wearing pads, look where that got you."

The door opened abruptly, startling Remilia for a minute. Sakuya still looked the same as she did last time the vampire had decided to visit her after the exposure her pads. It's too bad for me to type down because in my imagination, it's just horrid. Her appearance, I mean. Yeah, okay, let's continue.

"Ojou-sama, are you shooting?"

"...Come again?"

"A beautiful barrage of bullets, are you shooting them at me?"

"Sakuya, make some sense otherwise I really will let Chuugoku blow you up with the variety of weapons she has up her skirt."

"CHUUGOKU IS A COUNTRY OJOU-SAMA!"

Meiling's voice echoed from somewhere. Remilia looked from side to side and shivered. She slowly turned to face Sakuya again, regaining her composure.

"Anyway, Sakuya, I'm not shooting, whatever that means, I just want to wake up with a cup of tea being held out to me in the evenings."

The maid slammed the door in Remilia's face. The vampire sighed and knocked again.

"Sakuya, open this door."

"Do it yourself!"

This was getting annoying. Remilia grinded her teeth and marched down the hallway.

"MEIRIN GIVE ME THOSE WEAPONS YOU GOT FROM KOURINDOU!"

Meiling sat in the corner of her room with her sheets draped over her head and the lights off.

"Maybe... I should change my name to U.N. Owen..."

* * *

><p><em><strong>Chuugoku (中国) Means China in Japanese. By the by. The by.<strong>_


	4. FLASHBACK!

_**I swear to god I didn**__**'t forget about this story, promise!**_

…

_**Okay, maybe I did, but, just- I- I'll shut up now.**_

_**Presenting…**_

* * *

><p><strong>FLASHBAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK!<strong>

Sakuya could still remember it. Two weeks ago, when she'd first been exposed.

When Remilia had left her to tend to her duties, Flan had been playing in the hallway with her Laevatein. The maid saw this and scolded her.

"Miss Flandre, you shouldn't play in the hallway with that. You could break one of the vases."

Flandre stopped waving the sword around and turned to face Sakuya.

"What do you mean? There aren't even any vases around-"

Before she could finish her sentence, she swung her arm and heard something clatter to the tiled floor. Sakuya looked on at her in terror.

"…Uh, Sakuya, please tell me that wasn't expensive?"

The maid said nothing, and walked over to the shattered vase, falling on her knees.

"That was Ojou-sama's treasured vase from the outside world!"

She tentatively held the pieces in her hands.

"Can't you reverse time or something, Sakuya? Or, like, why didn't you stop time when you saw me swinging my Laevatein?"

Flandre tucked the sword into her skirt.

"My abilities do not function that way, Miss Flandre! And the author needs to get in some horrible plot development as well!"

She started to dust the bits and shards into a dustpan she'd conjured from midair with a mini broom to boot. Flandre noticed that the maid was hurriedly stuffing something else that she picked up from the wreckage into her breasts. She cocked her head to one side.

"Sakuya, what are you stuffing into your boobs?"

"What do you mean, Miss Flandre?"

Sakuya finished up what she was doing and stood up, only to have the pan and mini broom disappear from her hands after a buzzing noise resounded throughout the hallway way. Flan tried to get a good look at her chest, but failed when Sakuya crossed her arms over her them.

"But, that's beside the point. I told you that you were going to break something with that sword of yours. I only wonder what your older sister might have in store for you when she catches wind of this-"

Sakuya was interrupted when Flandre shoved her hands down the maid's shirt and pulled out two tan pads. (Which made her breasts seem significantly smaller I might add)

"Whoa! What are these? Did you get them from Onee-sama's vase?"

The little vampire held them up in awe, stopping when Sakuya fell to her knees.

"Sakuya?"

The maid stayed silent.

"Sakuuuuuuuuuuuuyaaaaaaaaaaa?"

No answer. Sakuya's eyes had been glazed over, with a look of despair adorning her features. Flan looked at the tan things and realized that it had been a much more serious matter than just things that Sakuya stuffed into her boobs.

"…Sakuya, are these pads?"

That was it. That was when the maid started to sob, and gradually, it turned to full-blown crying.

_Crap, I don't know how to deal with this._

Flandre thought. On instinct, she started to call for her sister.

"ONEE-SAMA!"

She waited a bit before calling for her sister again.

"ONEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-SAMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

Nothing.

"KA RI SU MA BU RE I KU!"

It wasn't too soon afterwards that China sped down the hallway, and noticed the crying maid and panicking vampire.

"Sakuya-san! Sakuya-san! Cleaning stop! Cooking stop!"

"I don't even know what that means!"

Sakuya managed to choke out before Meiring knelt beside her and shoved the maid's face into her voluptuous boobs.

"It's okay Sakuya-san! You won't have to cook or clean anymore! will help you in every which way possible!"

That was when Remilia stepped into the picture.

"Sakuya, you liar! You DO wear pads!"

Remilia pointed a finger at her maid before something buzzed and the maid was nowhere to be seen. Chuugoku fell on her face, without a Sakuya to hug.

That's what had happened some weeks ago. Now Sakuya didn't want to come out of her room. Neglecting her duties and her mistress in the process. She was curled up in a ball on her small twin-sized bed, wearing a large black nightgown and tightly hugging a dakimakura with a printed picture of Remilia on it, positioned in a rather embarrassing and shy position. Fully-naked, I might add. She touched her boob tentatively, groaning in the process.

"Damn fanbase, making my boobs seem so small in comparison to others…"

That was when the door to her room exploded, as well as the wall behind her. Remilia stepped in, fire and smoke trailing behind her with a rocket launcher perched on her shoulder, her scarlet eyes blazing with fury.

"SAKUYA, CLEAN UP THIS MESS NOW!"

She bellowed, firing another rocket, this time aiming at Sakuya. A buzzing sensation consumed Remilia, going away a second later when the rocket seemed to have disappeared, Sakuya standing in it's place. The maid placed her hands on her hips with a huff.

"Bitch, I am angsting right now, do you mind?"

Remilia scowled and placed one hand on her hip, the other one at her side.

"Bitch, don't call your mistress a bitch."

She snapped in a circle with a ghetto attitude.

Sakuya backed down, seeing that her mistress might have had some more ghetto in her than she herself did.

Remilia ran her eyes around the room, stopping when she saw the dakimakura on Sakuya's bed.

With a printed picture.

Of her.

Naked.

Sakuya saw where her mistress was staring at, and panicked, stopping time and running over to throw the pillow into her closet before crudely slamming it shut, time flowing again

"SAKUYA WHAT THE HELL?!"

"W-what are you talking about? I've done absolutely no wrong."

"Bullshit, there was an uncensored and nude dakimakura of me on your bed just now!"

"A dakimawhosewhatsit?"

"Don't play dumb!"

"I am much beyond that of 'playing dumb' mistress."

"What's with the sudden tone change? You were just calling me a bitch just a moment ago and now you're calling me mistress!"

"Nuh-uh."

"Yuh-huh!"

The two bickered at each other into the night, leaving the other residents of the Scarlet Devil Mansion churning in their sleep. Especially a certain red-haired gatekeeper.

"Damn fanbases! Screew 'em allllllllllllll ta HELL!"

Meiling shouted, sitting just outside of the gate with a bottle of sake in her hand.

"Mah naemu is MEILING. FUCKING MEILING. Iwf dey can't undershtand sumtin' like that, THEN THAT'S BULLSHIT!"

She slurred, taking a swig from her bottle.

"IMMA STURT CALLIN' MESELF UNKNOWN ER SUM SHIET."

And that was the end of that.

_Shitty End_

* * *

><p><em><strong>I might release another chapter. I might not. Depends. I know I have tons of time this summer and all, but I've picked up another project, which doesn't involve writing, surprisingly.<strong>_

_**IT'S A PROJECT TO CREAT MY OWN ANIME!**_

_**-inb4itwon'tgetputontotheinternetuntilafter2years-**_


	5. Flan's Journal Entry

**SAKUYA, LESBIAN(EST); **

**YOU'RE WEARING PADS**

**PREVIEW**

_Dear Dairy,_

_The wind was very nice._

_It rustled my hair slightly, probably making it a lot more tangled than it needed to be._

_I stared at the clouds in the sky, counting out the ones that looked like fish and chickens on motorcycles._

_There were none._

_I got very sad after that and decided to stop, to spare my feelings from being hurt more.  
><em>

_Then, I thought;_

Wow, Sinon makes me wet.

_Probably because __中国 __threw a bucket of water at me when I was watching Sword Art Online II right when Sinon stripped into her underwear._

_It happened again, the second time when Sinon appeared the next episode, so I came to the conclusion that Sinon makes me wet._

_I like turtles. _

_They're very cute._

_Buttons are cute too._

_Like,_

_REALLY cute. Have you ever thought about that? I have. Plenty of times._

_Onee-sama has been in her room all night._

_I wonder if her and Sakuya are still mad at each other._

_They wouldn't stop yelling at each other the other yesterday, and when they did stop yelling, Onee-sama started to shoot those guns that MaiLinglePonu pulled out from her skirt. They were really noisy._

_I really hope Onee-sama and Sakuya stop being mad at each other soon._

_Because it's annoying and I want the hate/love sex to start soon._

_-Love, Flan-Flan 3_

_P.S. I stole a pair of Onee-sama's blue striped panties while she was yelling at Sakuya, and they smell like sex._

_I like that._


End file.
